


The Pets of Bag End

by darth_stitch



Series: The Bagginses of Bag End [3]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (2010), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bilbo Baggins is a Hedgehog, Bunnies, Cats, Crossover, Fluff, Hedgehogs, Humor, M/M, Martin Freeman is a Hedgehog, Pets, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 19:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darth_stitch/pseuds/darth_stitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nearly every Dwarf of the Line of Durin had a Specific Character Quirk that had nothing to do with gold madness.  Kili Baggins of the Line of Durin had one of the more Interesting Quirks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pets of Bag End

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at [The Blanket Fort.](http://darthstitch.tumblr.com/post/63419153115/the-pets-of-bag-end-it-is-said-that-nearly-every)
> 
> This one’s for you, Beanie! :)

It is said that nearly every Durin had a  _specific_ Character Quirk that had, mind you, nothing whatsoever to do with gold madness or dragon sickness. 

 

 

Old King Thror had an excellent nose for _gold_.  Before the madness had taken over his mind, he actually worked in close concert with the Miners’ Guild of Erebor and had an uncanny knack for finding the richest gold veins.  And he had been a generous king with his rewards. 

Prince Thrain, for his part, actually had a green thumb that would make a Hobbit proud.  He actually did have a garden of his own and he was rather fond of growing flowers in gemstone colors, which he faithfully reproduced in mithril and gems for his beloved Princess.  Anybody who dared make any Elf-related remarks in Thrain’s direction (read:  Fundin, That Utter Sod) would be the recipient of a good thumping. 

By this point, everyone knew about Thorin’s infamous sense (or lack of, to be more precise) of direction _outside_ of a mountain.  Perhaps it was proof that Mahal had a sense of humor after all but due to the presence of Thorin’s One (read: a Certain Hobbit of Baggins and Took heritage), Thorin was generally able to orient himself in the Shire using his infallible sense as to where Bilbo generally was - Bag End. 

Unless Bilbo took it into his head to go to the market, then we’d have a Hobbit and a Dwarf going about their shopping  _together_ because Bilbo is half afraid that Thorin might well end up in the Old Forest and now they’d all be in a Fine Pickle of Things.  

(All right, so Certain Dwarves of our Acquaintance are Huffing and claiming _that_ was not his Durin-specific Character Quirk but we’ll leave Certain Hobbits to kiss the silly out of him.)

Fili claims that the Infamous Durin Character Quirk has passed him by, thankfully because _somebody_ had to be the only sane one in this bunch of loons.  We shall say nothing of Fili’s secret knack for cooking and the fact that he spends his time helping Bilbo in the kitchen, improving upon well known Hobbit and Dwarf recipes, much to the delight of his family.  Fili had an extraordinary sense of taste and was a willing accomplice to Bilbo’s Ongoing Scheme to Get His Dwarves to Eat More Vegetables and No, Thorin, That Does Not Turn You Into Elves and Stop Calling Them Weed-Eaters, You’re a Bad Influence on the Children! 

Kili…. well, Kili was another story altogether.  And it must be noted that this time, Radagast the Brown was to blame. 

Kili had a Soft Spot for animals.  His Uncle Thorin would say that this Soft Spot was actually the size of _Kheled-zaram_ though he was always regretful that he could not indulge Kili’s wish for a pet when he was a young Dwarfling.  In those early years, another mouth to feed was the last thing they needed and the bunny that Kili begged to keep for a pet was more than likely to end up in a cooking pot for later.   Thorin just couldn’t break his sister-son’s heart like that.

But here in the Shire, with all those bitter years behind them and living simply as the Bagginses of Bag End, Kili could be indulged. 

So it started when Kili brought Bill the Hedgehog home. 

Radagast had claimed that he could think of “no better fellow” to care for one of his beloved tiggies and thus, Kili had his Very First Pet. 

"Why Bill, exactly?"  Bilbo had to ask, even as he offered little Bill a bit of cooked carrot. 

"Well…." Kili hedged (pun entirely intended).  "Please don’t be mad at me, Uncle Bilbo…."  
  
Thorin tried not to laugh.  He really did.  But he saw the resemblance between Bilbo and the hedgehog too.   
  
Bilbo’s reaction was therefore deemed to be the sane and sensible course.  He laughed, he cried and then he curled up into a little ball for the Winter.   
  
(Perhaps said Hobbit-y Hedgehog was persuaded to uncurl due to the patience and loving nuzzles of a Very Contrite and Very Affectionate Dwarrow Husband but we shall leave the rest of the details of Thorin’s apology to the Imagination of the Gentle Reader.  Mind that you good folk don’t end up in the gutter, thank you.) 

The next pet happened to be a wee bunny and —

"No, children, I do _not_ turn into a Giant Rabbit during a full moon.  No, I was not cursed by the Wicked Elven-king of the Forest of AAAAAARRRRGH!!!  Well, yes, I would grab Orcrist and rescue your Mister Bilbo if he ever got hobbitnapped by Trolls but Bilbo is rather good at rescuing _me_ …. _exactly_ _what has Kili been telling you?”_  
  
The rabbit was named Thor. 

And then, there was the kitten - Azaghal the Mighty - who could be every bit as imperious and majestic as the Dwarf Husband of the Master of Bag End.  Azaghal was dubbed “Defender of Bag End” when said cat saved Bilbo from Lobelia Sackville-Baggins when that particularly odious woman tried to force her way into the smial, on the pretext that she had “forgotten” her umbrella.   Naturally, this conveniently happened when none of the Baggins Dwarves were home.

Azaghal sent Lobelia on her way with a scratch and a bite on her ankles and Kili presented the kitten with fish caught fresh from the Brandywine River.  The kitten accepted with atypical majestic graciousness. 

Kili may or may not have been responsible for teaching the kitten how to distinguish the Sackville-Bagginses apart from the other Hobbit relatives and how to respond appropriately. 

And finally —

"Kili, that is a dragon."

"I know that, Uncle, but he’s just a wee baby — "

"Need I remind you _how we lost Erebor?!”_  
  
"I know but — "

" ‘It followed me home, can I keep him?’ is not going to work this time, Kili Baggins!"

"He is pretty cute for a dragon, isn’t he, Uncle Bilbo?" Fili observed, already sneaking the Dragon his latest improvement on apple cinnamon pies, which were apparently much appreciated. 

"Thorin, dearest, I’m sure we can teach the dragon to hoard more Hobbit-y things instead of gold and jewels.  I’ll speak to the Thain.  And look at Azaghal!"  This from Bilbo, who was a shameless abetter in all of Kili’s crackbrained antics. 

Indeed, kitten and dragon extended cautious noses at each other, nostrils vibrating as each tested the other’s measure. 

Thorin reached for Orcrist, already expecting the worst. 

And all right, so maybe he couldn’t bear to see Kili’s heart broken if he lost his beloved kitten.   
  
The kitten pawed gently at the black dragon’s nose. 

The dragon sneezed.  Fortunately, the ensuing fireball from that sneeze went straight for the fireplace, which was, in fact, just about to get lit for the evening. 

Both kitten and dragon started purring and it ended, of course, with a dragon curled around a very contented cat and young dark-haired Baggins Dwarf of the Line of Durin.   

Thorin was outnumbered and outgunned. 

And no, he did _not_ find it charming when the Dragon elected to accompany him to his forge the very next day.  Nor did he end up petting said Dragon when Toothless (Kili and his ridiculous penchant for naming his pets) did a credible job helping him keep the fires lit. 

And no, it was _not_ fascinating how much better his metalwork came out with dragon flames. 

And no, Thorin did not let loose with one of his infamously knee-weakening smiles (Certain Hobbits Not Named Bilbo Baggins have grumbled that there really should be warning labels for smiles from one Thorin Baggins) when he saw his youngest nephew wandering about the Shire with a kitten on his shoulder, a hedgehog and a bunny in his pockets and a Dragon loping by his side, happy and healthy and content as Thorin had ever wished both _their_ boys could ever be. 

_\- end -_

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **Note:** Eventually I'll get around to bringing in Frodo into the family. A Plot Bunny has bit and so I may be changing Certain Things. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
> 
> **Note the Second:** I just couldn't resist having Toothless of How To Train Your Dragon in Kili's general vicinity. Or the reference to Thorin the Werebunny. Sorry, Thorin Muse! :P


End file.
